


She wears short skirts, I wear t shirts

by flutekid



Category: Political RPF
Genre: High School AU, M/M, Sad Ending, crackfic, jock barack, nerd joe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 12:02:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8532298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flutekid/pseuds/flutekid
Summary: Joe never thought he would date the football quarterback in a million years.Barack never thought that he would be dating the silly nerd who is good at government class





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> i am actually really sorry you sat down to read this. 
> 
> Barack, if you're reading this. I'm sorry I was really bored

"Does anyone know who the first president of the United States was?" Mr. World said to his 6th period World Government class.

Joe shot his hand up "George Washington!" he exclaimed, before anyone else could.

"Correct!" Mr. World said, turning back to the board to write some notes for the class to copy.

Joe began copying the notes quickly, as he was finishing up his last sentence, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

He turned around to come face to face with Barack Obama, the football quarterback.

"Can I borrow a pen? I forgot my pencil in my last class."

Joe blushed, Barack had  _never_ talked to him before.

"Uhh, yeah sure." Joe said, pulling a red pen out of his american print bakcgapce "here :-)"

"Thanks!" Barack said, winking at Joe. Joe turned around and continued copying

"Never fall for a straight boy" Joe thought

* * *

**Twitter DM**

**Joe Biden (@VP123) & Justin Trudeau (@CANADABOY69)**

**Justin:** Hey I saw you talking to barack today in class

 **Joe:** Oh, he was just asking me for a pen. He forgot his pen in his last class

 **Justin:** umm.... i  _doubt_ that. just so you know, we dated, and we're like probably getting back together

 **Joe:** Oh, i had no idea you guys dated

 **Justin:** Yeah, we're seniors now, but we dated like 6 years ago.

 **Joe:** So, like... in 6th grade

 **Justin:** Yeah, so what, WE'RE GETTING BACK TOGETHER.

[ **@CANADABOY69 HAS BLOCKED @VP123** ]

* * *

 

The first football game was on November 1st. Barack, being the captain and quarterback, was starting the game

Joe went to thirst over him :-P daddi (he didn't say it out lodu)

"Hike!" Obama said, and he threw the ball to Dannel Malloy. Dannel ran into the end zone, and got 6 points!!!!!

The kicker, hillary clinton kicked 6 field goals. they had 12 points now!!

then, it was halftime!!

the cheerleaders begane to spell out something.

 **"GO BARACK!!"** they cheered, and Joe cheered too.

The cheerleading team took the field, among the field of cheerful cheerleaders dressed in all red white and blue was someone dressed in all red.

Joe squinted, was that... Vladimir Putin? Why did he have a sickle and a hammer on his cheerleading uniform? Joe thought he was emo, he was in a band called 'The Screaming Spiders', with Kim Jong Un, Fidel Castro and that one  _prep_ Lars from Denmark.

Vladimir walked to the microphone, and began singing 'Bring me to life' by Evansensce. WOw, he was good.

Joe felt another tap on his shoulder, and Barack sat next to him

"Hey joe!!!" barak said,s milng "i'm so glad you could make it."

they stared at eachother, before barack leaned in


	2. Part Two

Barack leaned in, almost kissing Joe, when Joe heard a voice. A familiar voice.

"Didja miss me, Santa?" Titanoboa said, and Joe turned around. He shook. He was back.

"Titanoboa, what are you doing here?" Joe said, turning from barack "I told you never to come here. Leave"

"No" Titanoboa said, slithering into the seat adjacent to Joe "I wanted to see you."

Joe stood up, and walked away, and to his pogo stick he'd ridden to the football game.

He climbed on and began jumping towards his house.

He and barack. they'd almost  _kissed_.

Fucking titanoboa

* * *

 

**Snapchat DM**

**vp12345**

hey, can we talk about what happened at the football game?

**barackobama**

um, sure?

**vp12345**

were you going to kiss me?

**barackobama**

can we not talk abtohu this rn? im meeting with vladimir we're renegotiating nafta.

**vp12345**

can we talk about it tomorrow over some Annies?

**barackobama**

yeah, sure

* * *

 

they met at annies the follow day

when joe WALKED in, he saw Derek Malik Nurse, doing a flip.

derek malik nurse said "back at it again at annies"

god he hated usa, america.

barack walked in.

"hey, so i like you, a lot." he said, turning to joe "can i kiss u??'

'yea" joe said, and barack kissed him

they were interrupted by their waiter

"Can i take yr order"

they turned, and otis from back in the barnyard was there

"You..." barack said

 


	3. Part 3

barack knocked on the door to the biden residence

joey's mother popening the door :_)

"hey! are u barack?"

"yes!!!!"

suddenly, melania trump appeared outside of the biden residence

 _ **"hello** " _she said, like she walked into a room 10 minutes late with starbucks. it just sounds like she's greeting someone

barack was let into the door, and went upstairs into the vice presidents room.

the room was amazing. it had a large window, and a large painting of,,,, was that titanoboa. titanoboa starts talking to your girl on twitter. you and your girl are in a serious relationship, u trust her, and see no problem with her talking to other reptiles. after a while, they link up. they go to lunch and you learn he's been planning to move out to your city. you say "oh thats cool id love to meet him". she says "yeah hes really great" and starts to rave about him for over an hour. you start feeling some type of way but don't wanna bring it up bc its probab;y nothing, youre overreacting. it doesn't stop. she constantly brings him up. she helps him apartment search. she helps him furnish his apartment in the nice part of town. you begin to feel distance. one night she says she gonna get some drinks with him, you finally snap. normally, with anyone else, it wouldve been fine, but hes not anyone else. you blow up in her face and she blows up too. you have a huge fight. doors get slammed, things get said, hearts get broken. you immediately regret everything that happened. you know she deserves better than that and that you should try to fix it. as soon as you get up to leave, hand on the doorknob, you hear the keys rattling on the other side. its her you think, she came back, she wants to fix things. youre smiling gently until you open the door. your face immediately falls when you open the door to find your girl, with titanaboas arm around her waist. "grab your stuff, ill wait outside" he says. youre too shocked to even move. once she has a duffle full of you assume is her necessities, she breaks the silence. "im staying a titanoboa's place for a while" she says. "i think i need some space" she says. at least, youre pretty sure thats what she said. the world becomes a blur as you feel your heart crash into the pit of your stomach and smash into a million pieces. its over. its over and its all your fault. wyd?

joe turns to face barack.

"please lave"

"i wanted 2 talk......."

"....okay"

barack sat on the bed

"were u going 2 kiss me?"

"yeah,,,, im sorry. i shouldn've have. i know that you and justin trudeau are getting back together and i know th-"

joe was cut off by the presidential feeling of barack kissing him

"i..." joe said

"okay brb gotta get to providence cause my hockey careers bouta start!!!!! peace out!!!!!! i'll text u!!!1!"

barack suddenly had college robes on.

he ran out with his 90s boyband hair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to max for that one line
> 
> also credit to sophie for the titanoboa meme


	4. Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their friends find out

**Four Months Later**

Barack and Joe's relationship was going good. They hung out nearly every weekend, and chilled.

"Hey barry?" Joe said, late one night. They were laying on the hammock at Baracks' home in Washington DC

"yes joee?" barack said, running his hadns through joe's hair

"when r we gonna tell our friends abt us??" he paused "ily but i want 2 tell Dannel and Bernie and Hillary and Tim."

barac forwned, taking a sip from his guava smoothie "idk............. i want to tell them, and they are democratic liberals.......... idk. When do you think is the right time?"

"maybe on wednesyda?????" joe said, taking a sip from his lettuce and kale smoothie. he grimaced "ooh that's spicy! very scrumptious?!!!"

barak nodded, kissing joes head "okay...."

* * *

 

**wednesday**

they arranged to meet at the whole foods.

barack rubbed joes hand "u nervous?"

"a little."

Bernie Sanders, Tim Kaine, Dannel Malloy and Hillary Rodham Clinton walked into the whole foods, each with their water casseroles and water smoothies.

Barack waved to them, and they walked over

Dannel high fived Joe.

"me na d joe are datig!" barak said

blarnie, timmy, danney, and hill paused, before they smiled

"we knew mang"

the two were confused, but they ordered some more water casserole to discuss the relationship over


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Communist Emo Band tries to break Jobama up!!!

**Tweets**

**Joe Biden (@VP123)**

"Excited for date night!!"

**Barack Obama (** **@bittyotis)**

"Can't wait to go to the @TheScreamingSpiders Concert Tonight at the @WhiteHouseClub"

**Jean Jacques Leroy (** **@jjleroyiceskateboyilovedemiyuuritwitttersuselol)**

"Renegotiating NAFTA tonight"

* * *

 

Joe picked up Barack in his quad copter! They drove the 17 miles to the White House Clib (ONLY TEENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

THey enjoyed the show, and the Screaming Spiders began playing their rendition of 'Anarchy for the UK", called "Communism for the countries that want it"

"1, 2, 3, 4" Vladimir said, rocking out to the communist jam.

Joe turned ot Barack "How are the NAFTA negotiations going"

"good........." barakc said, focsuing on the band. Joe kisse his cheek cause he was a cute

The band stopped, Fidel was mid riff, when he accidentally stepped on the whammie thing. he then was crazily thrown back throught 18 walls and finally stopped when he hit a boxing ring. He dead (i needed him to die since he died irl)

Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin stopped. "You have to break up with Joe" they said to barack

"Why?" Barark said, standing up

"Becuz HE IS A NERD!!!! DUH!!!!" they said, pushing back joe.

AH, of course. cause joe as a nerd and barack was a prep. it sucked being a nerd when yr bf wwas  aprep

"come barack, you can be our guitarist since FIdel died"

barack frowned, but reluctantly went with the communist emo band

* * *

**vent account tweet**

**sad joe (@joeissadandissadbecausehisboyfriendisaprep)**

:-( im so sad rn why are the communists like this

  **borock obomo (@potuspotis)**

im sorry joe. i love u

**Otis (@backatheannies)**

moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe tries to get his mans back

**Finsta Photos**

Instagram Photo from (@FutureVP123)

[Picture of Joe, making an awkward face to the Camera. He is inside a car]

Caption: Has anyone seen Barack???? He missing

Comment from: @KellyanneConway: No!!! deactiavte

Comment from: @ValdyVladdy: I have, he's been playing guitar in our band. But we'll never tell you where our next gig is!!!

* * *

 

**Text Message**

L _ars Lokke Rasmussen_ to  _Joe Biden_

**Lars:** Hey, Vlad doesn't want me talking to you, since we're negotiating the Warsaw Pact, but our next gig is at the Communism Club.

**Joe:** Really?? When is the next gig

**Lars:** Tomorrow at 8:02 PM!

**Joe: Thank u** lars

* * *

 

Joe walked into the communism club, where the screaming spiders was standing on the stage warming up. barack stood next to vladimir, tuning up his guigar that had a sickle and a hammer on it. To the left of the stage, they were sellig t-shirts, and copies of their new album, called 'The Communist Manifesto'.

Joe approached the stage, sitting a few rows back to avoid suspicion. Vladimir went up tot he stage

"One, Two, Three!" he said, and Barakc presed play on his boombox, and then pretened to paly his guitar.

"WHat the heck???" Joe said, but he clapped anyway when his solo happened, he was still rpoud of him forplaying the solo.

Once the show was over, Joe tried to meet up with Barack, but he was ushered out quickly, and disappeared onto Hit the Nose Street.

Joe turned and found a note on the ground

**Meet me at the LaCroix cafe on High Street**

**\- Barry Obama :0 <3 <3 <3 <3**

 


	7. LONG TIME NO SEE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 7 months. And I'm procrastinating my college essay and i remembered this fic so :-) Also i forget what happened in the previous update so we're just gonna skip that story line

It was the summer before Joe and Barack's Senior Year of High School. While they were stressing over SAT scores, college applications and staying up until 6 AM watching criminal minds, they found time 4 romance. 

 

THey hung out at the town pool a lot. The air was warm, and so was the water? Whatever it doesnt matter details aren't important i just needed more words. Also Space Oddity by David Bowie played over the loudspeakers

 

Hillary Clinton, Dannel Malloy and Nancy Pelosi joined Joe and Barry at the pool. They were all chilling in the pool, when the gate to the pool opened, and in walked 4 people.

 

4  _Republicans????_

 

They don't even go here

 

"THey don't even go here??????" said Barack, making a "huh" face.

 

They walked maliciously towards the chairs on the opposite side of the pool. They pushed the DJ over and changed the song to "Fancy" by Iggy Azalea

 

"IGGY PUT My NAME in  **BOLD** " said the loudspeakers, very unfortunately

 

The leader of the Republicans, Tad Dump Lorn, ushered his posse towards the pool chairs again. They threw someone over the fence so they could have their seat under the huge sign that said "Crocodiels for sale"

 

It was joe's turn to look confused, he started to make his way towards the republicans (i didnt want 2 mention it but they got out??), but barack held him back.

 

"No, Joe. We have to be mature, unlike them"

 

The Republicans were laughing at Barack and Joe

 

"I will not only throw them under the bus, I will pick up the bus and drop it on them several times – then I will get in the bus and drive over them and then back up and drive over them again" said Joe, giving them a look.

 

Joe knew what he had to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey if yale is reading this please accept me.
> 
> Tad Dump Lorn is an anagram for Donald Trump


	8. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I thought we could all use a little pick me up in light of recent events. I will not be mentioning anything related to the shooting in this story.

**Barack's Speech**

Barack sat in the front row as he prepared to give his president of the senior class speech. Mr. World called his name, and he made his way to the stage, his eyes quickly found his bf, Joe, who was hovering over the campus in a zeppelin, peering down onto his bf. 

 

"Seniors, Welcome. I am Barack, the Valedictorian... Today we are gathered because of a senior election and because i love my boyfriend!!"

 

Joe displayed a thumbs up on the side of the zeppelin, followed by a winky face, and then he lost control and it showed a watermelon emoji.

 

Barack smiled, "And that is why, I have decided to run for president of the senior class, with Joe as my vice president."

 

Joe displayed a shocked emoji on the side of the zeppelin, and placed the zeppelin in park before parachuting out of his zeppelin to the ground below. Each millimeter he got closer to Barack, he smiled wider. He ripped off his nice suit, to reveal a tattoo joe got: "Barack and Joe 4 prez". The class was shocked.

 

A few claps turned into thousands. Millions. Soon the whole world was clapping

 

Barack would be the class prez

 

(Because I know you were  _ALL_ concerned: The zeppelin is fine. It just crashed into a lake)

 

**Twitter.com**

**_Barack Obama @FuturePrez_  
**

Vote For Barack!!

**_Joe Biden @VP123_ **

Vote for Barack and I!

_**Ted Cruz (@TedCruz)** _

****Wow, a cow made of butter. My girls would love it. In fact, the first sentence Caroline ever said was "I like butter"

 

* * *

 

 

Bernie Sanders stuck up posters all around school saying "Feel The Bern". Hillary Clinton stuck up posters all around the school saying "I'm with her".

 

What did Barack have? The only nickname for Barack was Barry, I guess. Maybe Barry Allen. (DC plz don't sue me) Nah he was copyrighted.

 

He asked his art friend, Jackson Pollock, who died in 1956 if HE had any ideas. Jackson SNAPPED his fingers, AHA he shouted

 

"AHA", he shouted, grabbing various scrabble pieces, which spelled out baracks name.

 

He rearranged the letters, and he got the campaign slogan Barack needed:

 

Hope.

 

Barack gave Jackson 5 dollars, and some paint. Maybe he could do some drip painting or something idk, Barack was feeling nice.

 

As Barack placed his newly printed campaign posters all around school, Joe felt sad. Barack didn't even ask him for campaign slogans, and come on theyw ere bfs, jojo even made some up

**Joes Amazing List of Campaign Slogans**

  * Just Barack It
  * I'm Loving Barack
  * America Runs on Barack
  * Got Barack?



Joe was so upset by this, he sent just six words to Barack:

" _I think we need a barack"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dun.... \
> 
> idk i'll post part 2 of this soon?? 
> 
> will barack reconcile with joey?
> 
> will dj finally ask steve on a date?
> 
> and what's up with all that laugh track!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is completely based on Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda / Love, Simon. There will be no spoilers for the book/movie here, but the premise is the exact same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is flutekid if anyone is actually interested in messaging me there lmao.

**Day One of Barack and Joe's Breakup**

 

Barack received the email at 3:24PM from the one and only "classprez@gmail.com".

 

Barack fureld his eyebrows,,, Barack was soon to be the class prez.

 

It read thus:

From: classprez@gmail.com

To: bobama@gmail.com

Date: November 12th, 7:32PM

Dear Barack,

I saw the post you made on PoliticsHigh school newspaper website. I'm gay too. I wanted to talk. It's best you don't know who I am. Email me back if you wanna talk

Warmly, Green

 

Barack quickly typed his reply to 'Green':

From: bobama@gmail.com

To: classprez@gmail.com

Date: November 12th, 2017, 10:53PM

 

Green,

I'd love to talk, and I don't wanna know who you are. When did you know you were gay? I figured it out when I was twelve. I was watching John F. Kennedy give a speech and I realized he was very hot and here we are. 

Sincerely, Barack

 

Barack smiled slightly, and went to bed

* * *

 

**Day Eight of Barack and Joe's Breakup**

Barack smiled at his phone screen. Green had sent him his review of the movie "Lincoln"

**GREENS REVIEW of LINCOLN**

haha it was good. i didn't even know he got shot at ford's theatre! i live kinda close to ford's theater. i think when i get the free time, i'm gonna head down to the theater ad leave a bouquet of flowers. lmao but i'm raing the movie a 6/10 because this movie wasn't shot on a 1860's camera. haha what movies have u seen recently

 

As barack was about to type back, hilllary and tim interrupted him

 

"Whatcha smiling at, Barry?" Tim said, placing his lunch of 3 sushi rolls, a breadstick, and sunny d.

 

"Oh he's just texting his secret boyfriend!" hillary laughed, placing her lunch of 4 tons of pasta and a glass of water.

 

"What boyfriend?" Barack said, throwing his phone, laptop, tablet, and fax machine into the garbage can. "Me and Joe  _broke up_."

 

"I was kidding..." Hillary said "Can you toss me my keys?"

 

Barack threw his printer at her

 

"My keys!!"

 

"I thought you said printer!"

 

Tim laughed, before SCREAMING "Food fight!", throwing his sunny d at Calvin Coolidge.

* * *

**Day 35 of Barack and Joe's Breakup**

Over the course of the past 35 days, Barack and Green had grown increasingly close. Weirdly close. Green talked Barack through his break up, and they made dumb jokes, told life stories, and had a good time.

 

Barack also saw Joe a lot in the hallwys. What was once a great relationship/president-vice president had crUMBLED apart. i miss him, barack thought often

 

"I miss him" said Barack

 

As he said that, he got another email from Green,

 

Kate,  
  


Sorry to say this through an email, but I think you're pathetic for thinking this guy you've known for 5 seconds will go to prom with u,,, sorry girl.

\- Joe B.

 

Barack jumped! Green was... Joe!! 

 

Now a lot of their conversatiosn made sense

 

'GREEN' (joe) to Barack

Hey barack! Saw u in gym today! nice pass to bill.

 

This particular text was weird because uhhh their gym class was literally 3 ppl: joe, bill and barack

 

Dear god was barack that blind?

 

* * *

 

**Day 36 of Barack and Joe's Breakup**

 

Barack picked Joe up at the bus stop. Joe reluctantly got in.

 

Barack pulled into a small road, before pulling the car over and kissing Joe

 

"I know u r Green.. I want u back......" said Barack, kissing joe

 

"omg how!!!!!!!!" joe said, in actual shock. "i was so careful"

 

Barack grimaced, before kissing joe again.

 

<3 tru love is real guys

 


End file.
